*We’re all special fruit loops sharing the same cereal box. This is for fun, not to bash any particular zodiac sign. *
On a quick internet search you can easily turn up dozens of articles citing Scorpio as the meanest, badest, badass of the zodiac. With warnings of dire gloom they implore us to fear the scorpion like death itself. But who wrote most of these articles? A Scorpio? I wouldn’t put it past them to intentionally fill our hearts, and the internet, with the mortal dread of them. After all, they’re really just scared little bugs afraid that if we caught a good glimpse of that shiny black—and easily breakable—shell, we’d squish them like the bugs they are and then scrape them off the bottom of our shoes like used gum.
Which leads me to the real reason why Scorpio is not so tough, or tough at all for that matter.
Unable to grow the balls of steel needed to face life head-on, they turn to the psychosis of champions; passive-aggressive manipulation.
Scared to death of getting squished, Scorpio studies you, taking note of your every weakness. The real reason why they want to know so much about you? So they can use it against you later, of course. Scorpio is so scared they won’t even wait for you to strike first. They attack at the slightest perceived slight instead.
Like they think they might like you. Now that deserves to be punished.
Or worse yet, they think they might be falling for you. How dare you do that to them!
If you think a Scorpio might be in love with you, run away. Run far, far away. Change your name, your hair color, and get some colored contacts while you’re at it. Plastic surgery would come in handy. Love scares that little insectoid more than life itself, and that means you are about to find yourself on the receiving end of one of the most vicious fights of your life. Or for your life, depending on how much they love you. The more they love you, the worse it will be. Heaven forbid they should see you as their soulmate. You might as well just dig a hole for yourself six foot deep and jump in. It’ll be easier, and far less painful.
Don’t be mistaken. Just because they’re capable, and often quite willing to get you fired from your job, estranged from your family, addicted to anti-depressants, and planning your own funeral, doesn’t make them alpha males, or tough, or courageous, or strong.
Maybe next time you come across one in their natural habitat—try the cemetery at night, like a vampire—you should just scoop it in a cup , and put it in an aquarium where nothing will ever harm it again, since that’s what they really want from you. Just make sure you have a really secure top on their enclosure, because despite how safe and comfortable you make them, rest assured, if they should escape in the middle of the night, they’re coming for you…